My spiritual journey actually began in Alcoholics Anonymous. The program requires a belief in a “higher power as you understand him”. I had only been sober 60 days when I began working the third step of the program which states:
“Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understand him.” AA Handbook page 54
I was having difficulty knowing if I had completed this step. Of course, I had prayed that God would help me turn my will and my life over to Him, but I didn’t feel complete. It was one of those things where I knew it couldn’t be that easy.
I decided to research the topic a little bit. I spoke with my current Alcohol counselor and tried to explain my difficulties. He gave me a couple of suggestions, but no concrete solutions......nothing tangible at least. I called my former drug and alcohol counselor. He and I have more of a friendship now. I asked him about my troubles and all he could do was chuckle. He told me, my troubles were natural and the third step was a big step. In not so many words, he told me it took time and that I would just “know”.
I THOUGHT, I HAD LOST IT ALL.......
Everyday I would pray for God to help me turn my life over to his care. In a period of two weeks, I lost a lot. The first loss, and I thought my biggest, was a girlfriend I cared for deeply. I fought it, hard. I prayed more. Finally, I stood on the bank of a small pond in our city park after an AA meeting. I really had nothing in my life I was proud of......except a 60 day sobriety token/coin from AA. I was in work release, hated my job, felt friendless, and was facing another 9 years in prison. I stood there for awhile with my new AA token and prayed for God’s help. I finished my prayer and tossed my old 30 day token into the water, as if it were some eternal wishing well. The very next day, when the clock struck noon........I LOST IT ALL, including my freedom.